Ask Dr. Matt...

Everyday stress builds up and reduces our quality of life by causing physical pain, stomach and head aches, crying spells, irritability, poor memory and concentration, sleep problems, and much more. Because stress is experienced both in the body and in the mind you need to pay attention to both areas.  Follow these everyday tips to overcome stress and feel better!

Mind:  
1. Don’t believe every thing you think: Thoughts can be as inaccurate as anything else. Inaccurate thoughts often lead to catastrophizing, “This is the worst day ever” or “I can’t do it” – Challenge these thoughts by asking yourself, “What’s the evidence”  
2. Reframe your thoughts: Wrap a different context around the situation – control what you can control and let the rest go. The time you spend waiting in line or on the phone can serve as a break from a busy day—a chance to relax your mind, daydream, or text a friend.
3. Stay present focused – be in the moment: Focus on what's right in front of you by using your senses to connect with the environment, especially pleasant sights, smells, and tastes. For example, take a few moments to smell the aroma of the food you're eating and savor its flavor.

Body:  
1. Breath: Slow down your heart rate and relax tense muscles through brief simple deep breathing exercises. Breath in through your nose slowly, hold it for two seconds, and breathe out through your mouth slowly. It takes some practice, but it really works!
2. Stretch: Sitting, you can put one foot on the floor and the other foot on the opposite knee, then lean forward with a stretch, hold it for 5 seconds, switch.
3. Laugh Out Loud: Research indicates that even the expectation of a laugh boosts stress-busting hormones and increases hormones that induce relaxation—an effect that can last for up to 24 hours. Read a comic, check out the joke of the day or listen to a stand-up comedian on CD.
4. Move More: Jumping jacks, push-ups or anything that gets the blood flowing through the body will help to release endorphins, which are natural stress relievers.
5. Take Vitamin C (1,000 mgs): Recent research says that vitamin C reduces the levels of stress hormones in the blood, which may alleviate the body's response to stress. But only take once per day.

That’s it! Now, if you have done the above recommended steps for one month and do not see a significant improvement in your symptoms, your situation may be complicated by other factors and you should consult with a psychologist or psychiatrist who works with stress and anxiety.

Feeling down in the winter? The physical and psychological effects of not getting enough sunlight may be to blame. Symptoms of depression can be seasonal and can also be treated, in many cases, without medication. Follow these simple steps at home in during your day to lift the winter blues:

1. Light: Purchase a portable light therapy device, use it for 30 to 90 minutes each morning by sitting in front of it, or to the side, but don’t stare directly into it.  On sunny days fit in a walk outside after 12:00 noon for at least 15 minutes.

2. Thoughts: Identify negative thinking: Call yourself on it when you recognize that you are being negative. Next, challenge your negative thinking. Ask yourself honestly if what you are thinking is really as dire as you are telling yourself it is. Then, re-frame your thought. Put the negative thought into context, this may be as simple as reminding yourself how the negative thing you are thinking about truly relates to the other, more positive parts of your day. Finally, identify positive events. This means real events, spend some time being optimistic. I have found that, except for when life and limb are at risk, most people, most of the time, can afford to be optimistic.

3. Sleep: Fix a bedtime and an awakening time. Avoid napping during the day. Avoid alcohol, caffeine, and spicy or sugary foods 4-6 hours before bedtime.

4. Diet: Start with more water throughout the day - 6 to 8 glasses total. You can watch carbs also.

5. Exercise: 30 minutes of moderate exercise every day, but not within 2 hrs of going to bed.

That’s it! Now, if you have done the above recommended steps for one month and do not see a significant improvement in your symptoms, your situation may be complicated by other factors and you should consult with a psychologist or psychiatrist who works with depression.

A biting child is no fun, causes problems with peers and siblings, and while it may not be completely abnormal behavior, it's definitely not acceptable.

What Parents Need To Know: Biting is a normal behavior or phase for most younger children. Kids often bite when they are teething, tired, jealous, frustrated, or mad. They may simply do it to see what happens - they are exploring, this is especially true of infants and younger toddlers. As a parent you should be careful not to overreact when your child bites, which can reinforce the biting because your child gets excited about the reaction it brings about.
So, what can a parent do to discourage the bad behavior of a biting child?

1) Firmly say "No biting!", remove the biting child from the situation and ignore him/her for a few minutes.
2) Administer an appropriate consequence such as removal of a toy or a time-out.
Provide positive attention to the child who was bitten.
Provide some praise and positive attention when he/she isn't biting and is playing nicely.
Remind him/her not to bite from time to time, including a short reminder that biting hurts.
Avoid placing kids in a common conflict situations.
Stick to a good routine all day, including meals, naps, and playtime.
Never bite a biting child back to "show them" it’s wrong.

With proper interventions, most kids stop biting after a few days or weeks. Think of it as a training issue, we can train them out of this behavior.

Last week professional basketball player Shaquille “Shaq” O’Neal launched this summers latest and perhaps
most unique reality television program.  Shaq is taking on one of America’s fastest growing health concerns,
childhood obesity.  In addition to helping the kids exercise and eat right Shaq spends time lobbying politicians
on issues such as school nutrition.  And this reality TV show is not an original; it is based on the British version
“Ian Wright’s Unfit Kids” hosted by former soccer star Ian Wright.

One might ask, “Is childhood obesity a big enough problem to warrant a reality television program on both sides
of the pond?”  Answer… You bet it is!  More than 10 million school-age children in the United States, about 18
percent, are now considered overweight. The percentage of overweight children tripled among adolescents
during the past 25 years, and nearly doubled for children ages 6 to 12. This increases kids’ risk for adult heart
disease and diabetes, lowers life expectancy and creates additional health care costs.

What can parents do?  Here are 6 easy ways, based on recent research and some common-sense, that
parents can protect their kids from obesity.

At Meal Time…
1. Serve up smaller portions at home and chose restaurants that provide the same.  And for heaven’s sake
Don’t Super-Size the meal or you’ll super-size your kid!

2. Reduce variety at meal time.  That’s right, I said, reduce the variety.  When eating a regular diet that includes
a limited range of choices kids palates get bored and satiation is reached more quickly, therefore overeating
becomes less likely.

3. Cut down on treats.  Every where you go, the grocery store, video store, even the hardware store, candy
and soda machines abound.  Learn to say no.  Let the kids know before you go that they will not be getting a
treat.  This will be tough at first, but they’ll get used to it and you will not have to be caught off-guard and
tempted to give in.

Change Habits…
4. Require active outside play before TV and video games.  Just simple outside play such as shooting baskets,
riding bikes, and jumping on the trampoline make a big impact!  When kids get outside, they get into it, play
hard, and slim down.

5. Get to bed earlier.  Sounds unlikely but there is some evidence that children who get to bed late and sleep
less weigh more.  Experts recommend that children in pre-school sleep between 11-13 hours a night, and
school-aged children between 10-11 hours of sleep a night.  A comparison of the two surveys revealed that
kids now go to bed, on average, at about 10:15 p.m. That is half an hour later than in 1985.  Interestingly,
children have been getting fatter during just that period.  Scientists have proposed that sleep deprivation ramps
up the appetite by messing with levels of two hormones, leptin and grehlin.

6. Cut down on TV.  The obvious one here is that watching TV reduces physical activity, but this suggestion is
about advertising.  The advertising industry spends $12 billion per year on ads targeted to children through
media such as television and the Internet. The average child is exposed to more than 40,000 TV commercials a
year.  Reduce the hours watched and you reduce the number of messages received about sodas, candy, and
fast-food.   

Parents make the difference.  By making small adjustments in your child’s daily habits now, you can insulate
them from obesity related health problems in the future.  You can do it!

Beginning in the early elementary years children begin to distinguish ability, effort, and external factors in
explaining their performance.

Children who are high in achievement motivation develop mastery-oriented attributions – they believe their
successes are due to ability, a characteristic they can improve through trying hard and can count on when
faced with new challenges.

However, some children do not fully develop a mastery-oriented style and are at-risk for developing a
pessimistic style known as learned helplessness.  Children who develop learned helplessness give very
discouraging explanations for their performance.
        They attribute their failures, not their successes, to ability.
        When they succeed, they are likely to conclude that external events, such as luck, are responsible.
        Also, they hold an entity-view of ability, meaning that they believe it is fixed and cannot be improved by
         trying hard, or practicing skills.

Ways to Foster a Mastery-Oriented Approach to Learning:

Four techniques for parents are presented below that are intended to help parents develop mastery
experiences with their children.  I have also included how to help your child reverse, or retrain, a pessimistic
(learned helplessness) style.

The Four Techniques

#1. Mastery Activity Selection:  Parents should select activities that are meaningful and interesting to the
wide range of their child’s interests and that are appropriately matched to their current competence level so
that the child is challenged, but not overwhelmed.

Talk with your child about what he or she likes to do and then ask them if there is anything about those
activities they’d like to improve on.  Or, just observe what they are doing and then chose one of their favorite
activities.  

Such activities may include:  A sport, musical instrument, or school related activities such as writing in cursive,
reading a book, or completing a project.

#2. Parental Encouragement & Modeling: It is important to communicate with warmth your confidence in
your child’s abilities.  Parents should value the process of achievement by telling your child that you noticed
how they did something, not just the outcome of their efforts.  It is very important to identify the effort in their
success.

Parents need to model high effort in overcoming failure. Use optimistic statements about overcoming problems
and challenges.  It’s ok to realistically acknowledge the challenge being faced, but also identify the realistic
solutions to these challenges.
Parents who model that the set-backs or defeats in life are Temporary, Situationally Specific, and External to
the character of the individual are modeling an optimistic explanatory style.  You’re helping your child see that
no set-back is permanent, all encompassing, or an internal character flaw.  You are empowering your child to
continue to strive to find solutions and to see believe that their persistence will produce a positive outcome.

#3. Review the Process:  This is where the child realizes the mastery of their abilities.  It is certainly ok and
encouraged to identify the positive outcome of their efforts.  Statements like, “Wow, you really played great, or
you really got a good grade” are highly encouraged.  However, if you stop their there is no guarantee that they
are having a mastery experience.  

Ask your child if they recognize how they created such a positive outcome.  This is the process.  If they can
identify it then they are having a mastery experience right in front of your eyes.  If not, then you may comment
on what you saw them do that lead them to the outcome you praised earlier.  Say things such as, “You know, I
noticed that you really practiced that skill more than usual and didn’t give up when it was difficult, I think that
was how you did it.  What do you think?”  This will foster communication and the recognition that their efforts
produced the result; it wasn’t luck or some other external factor.

Parents should make the review private; avoid publicizing success or failures. Stress individual progress and
self-improvement.

#4. School Environment:  This can be a tough one, but if parents are on the look-out for ways to improve
their child’s school environment, then they will find them.  Things to look for are:
      Small classes with more individuals support for mastery.
Cooperative learning and peer tutoring.
Accommodate individual and cultural differences in styles of learning.
Create an atmosphere that sends a clear message that all students can learn.

What do I do if my child is already suffering from a pessimistic style?
Retraining of how they explain their experiences is needed.  This is often called Attribution Retraining.  You may
benefit from talking with a professional that can coach you through the process and take into account the
individual needs of your child.  This approach is:
        An approach to intervention that uses adult feedback to modify the attributions of learned-helpless
         children.
        It encourages children to believe that they can overcome failure by exerting more effort.
        Techniques 1, 2, and 3 that have already been discussed in this article are adapted to the specific
         needs of your child.

What’s an Explanatory Style you ask?  It’s the natural way in which people, adults and children, explain the
day to day and moment to moment events that make up life.  In other words, it’s the old ‘Is the glass half full or
half empty’ approach to explaining why things happen.

Another way to look at it is that an explanatory style is the way a person explains positive or negative events to
him or herself.  This determines whether he or she is optimistic or pessimistic.  Your child’s explanatory style
is evident in how he or she thinks about the causes of events in their lives.

Why is knowing your child’s Explanatory Style important?  Because your child’s style is generally going to be
more optimistic or pessimistic, and optimistic people are happier, healthier, and more successful in all of the
ways we measure success in life.  Specifically, research shows that benefits of an optimistic explanatory style
include:
        Better academic performance
        Better performance at work and sports
        Increased mental and physical health
        Longer lifespan        
        Better relationships with friends and family
        Less angry and irritable
        And teens with an optimistic style abuse substances less often, and have fewer social problems

Because life teaches lessons the hard way, even beginning in the early pre-school years, many children do not
fully develop an optimistic explanatory style on their own.  However, you can create a learned Optimistic
Explanatory Style for your child by learning more about it yourself and modeling optimism.  

Parental Influence:  This is very important.  You are their greatest teacher.  Researchers have found that
there is a strong relationship between a mother’s explanatory style and that of her child.  The style we model
will be learned by our kids.  Children imitate the explanatory style of their parents.

The way people, including children, explain events have three dimensions:
        Permanent vs. Temporary
        Universal vs. Specific
        Internal vs. External

Parents who model that the set-backs or defeats in life are Temporary, Situationally Specific, and External to
the character of the individual are modeling an optimistic explanatory style.  You’re helping your child see that
no set-back is permanent, all encompassing, or an internal character flaw.  You are empowering your child to
continue to strive to find solutions and to see believe that their persistence will produce a positive outcome.

Criticism that Children Receive:  Parents, teachers, coaches, and other adults make the biggest impact.  If
an adult criticizes a rather permanent ability of a child the child is more likely to develop a pessimistic
explanatory style.
Avoid such all-or-nothing statements such as:
      “You just can’t learn this.”
      “You’re just not good at sports.”
      “You just can’t keep friends for more than a week.”

Experiences:  Children who have Mastery Experiences are far more likely to develop an optimistic
explanatory style.  Learned helplessness in children attributes to a pessimistic explanatory style.  

Recent research indicates that children must see themselves in a realistic light in order for them to successfully
challenge their automatic negative thoughts. Disputing a pessimistic explanatory style only works when the
thoughts can be checked against reality.

The study of optimism in children is relatively new.  Research outcomes seem to indicate that optimism can be
taught, and learned optimism can be helpful in alleviating and preventing some of the problems of childhood
and adolescence.

Do you ever wonder if your child’s behavior is normal, just part of a phase?  Before you become too
concerned it’s important to know if your child's behaviors are just one of his/her important and normal
developmental tasks. Being aware of these tasks should reassure you that your child’s development is
normal and likely to change again soon.

Parents should know that a behavior "problem" often lasts more than 6 months, happens in more than one
place consistently, and appears as a pattern. When you are questioning your child’s behavior it’s helpful to
ask yourself, are you expecting too much or too little? Then, keep the following information in mind.
1.        Normal developmental tasks, listed below
2.        External factors; family stress, parenting style, environment
3.        Internal factors; temperament, biological vulnerability

Piaget’s Sensorimotor Period (Birth to 2 years)
0-1 years
•        Trust of caregiver/parent
•        Forming a secure attachment now is critical for later years
•        World view is expanding
1-3 years
•        Focus Oriented, can now experience outrage
•        Self-control/self-management are key
•        Impulses are out of control
•        Parallel play normal
•        Peers are competitors or providers
•        Perspective taking is just beginning
•        Able to learn cause and effect
•        Thinking is relatively concrete

Piaget’s Preoperational Period (2-7 years)
2-5 years
•        During the first five years of life, children are egocentric -- they can only see their own perspective
•        Increasing ability to tolerate frustration and to delay gratification
•        Important for them to say NO, allows them to have feeling of control
•        Normal to have focused aggression
•        Play is critical, imaginary friends are useful and normal
•        External to internal control begins to develop/ more able to self-regulate
•        Socialization learned; learning what is socially appropriate
•        Language development
•        Gender identity
5-7 years
•        A very sensitive time for child when making mistakes
•        Parent needs to allow mistakes and help teach that mistakes are opportunities to learn
•        Parents can have influences setting cultural bias
•        Parent can begin to plants seeds for empathy, through modeling

Piaget’s Period of Concrete Operations (7-11 years)
6-12 years
•        Latency, this period sexual and aggressive drives diminish
•        Generally a stable period
•        Beginning of our continuous memory/Can begin to develop expectations
•        Most memories are happy
•        Adaptive functions solidified, habits and patterns develop now
•        Child is often able to organize and get along on their own
•        Social skills and ego functions develop now
•        Peer relationships are key
•        Develop "social markers" or labels i.e.: fat, left-handed
•        Mastery is important, being good at something is critical
•        Interest in the outside world
Important tasks during latency
•        Friendships
•        Self control (body, emotions)
•        Mastery of environment
•        Clear distinction between public and private life (secrets)
•        External and internal life (fantasy)
•        Reassuring during this period to know there is a "Higher Authority"
•        Hobbies and organized collections offer opportunity for control, organization and order
•        Personality traits develop now
8-9 years
•        Competition enables self evaluation
•        Peer rivalry
•        Clear gender barriers in spite of efforts to avoid
•        Able to be both caring and mean
•        Teasing between sexes important -- helps set boundaries

Piaget’s Period of Formal Operations (12 and Up)
12-18 years
•        Social and moral development
•        Rebellion, self identity or expression
•        They want to be trusted

Parents, if you suspect a behavior problem, it is important to get a thorough evaluation. Through a
psychological evaluation you can rule-out many problems affecting our children, including learning
disabilities, ADHD, behavioral disorders, anxiety, or developmental disorders. A professional evaluation will
lead to an accurate diagnosis which will lead to appropriate treatment.  

Young people who “surf” the vast internet ocean need help navigating these potentially dangerous waters.  
While the internet provides a remarkable tool for positive entertainment and learning, it can also provide
exposure to predatory adults and unwanted violent/sexual content.  Parents can help their children steer clear
of this and still enjoy the many benefits of the internet.   

A child’s perception of what constitutes normal sexual behavior can be negatively affected by what they
experience on the internet. In addition, children are at risk for being contacted by predatory adults online.  
Information-sharing websites such as MySpace.com, Facebook.com, and others have recently been the focus
of much attention because children have naively posted personal information on these sights and fallen victim
to those seeking to exploit them.

The good news is that there are things you can do to decrease the chance of these dangers becoming part of
your child’s internet experience.  Following are nine strategies that I encourage parents to use:

1. Filtering.  Educate yourself about your Internet Service Provider’s filtering methods.  If you’re not satisfied,
purchase and install filtering software that will block targeted web sites.

2. Open access.  Keep your computer in an open-access area in your house, such as the kitchen or family
room.  Children are less likely to explore prohibited sites when supervised.

3. Bedrooms.  I do not recommend installing a computer in your child’s bedroom, but if the computer must
remain there then set a rule that the door must stay open when the internet is in use.

4. Tracking.  Regularly check your computer’s History Folder and Temporary Internet Files to see what sites
your child has visited.  Set a rule that your child is not allowed to delete these files.

5. Bookmarking.  Bookmark child-friendly sites to facilitate a positive internet experience for your child.  This is
easy to do and allows you to mark sites you want them to visit.

6. Communicate.  Encourage open communication.  Talk with your child about the internet and your
expectations of its use.  Your child needs to feel confident that he or she can talk to you.

7. Personal Information.  Establish family rules about what personal information can and cannot be shared on
the internet.  For instance, most internet-savvy families set a rule that children are not to give out phone
numbers, street or e-mail addresses, or credit card numbers without parental approval.

8. Friends.  Know the internet rules at the homes of your child’s friends. Ask their parents if they have blocked
inappropriate internet sites. This may be uncomfortable at first, but most parents will be happy to know you
care.  

9. Fear.  Don’t be afraid of being temporarily unpopular as you establish internet rules in your home.  Your
children may not like the changes, but ultimately they’ll thank you for it.  

To be an internet-savvy parent you don’t have to be a computer whiz, you just have to be involved.  
Remember, safety on the internet is not a matter of trust; it’s a matter of understanding your child’s curiosity,
setting limits, and establishing open communication.  You can help your children grow up safely and take part in
the positive aspects of all that the internet has to offer.